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In addition to favorite readings and poems, what else can you include in your wedding ceremony to give it substance and personality?

Wedding ceremonies based in traditional religions have rituals that weave the ceremony together and help the couple feel anchored in the message.

For example the smashing of the glass in the Jewish faith suggests, as a modern interpretation, the fragility of the relationship and importance of tending to it daily.
The Unity Candle in the Catholic faith represents two families and two individuals uniting as one.
In the Chinese heritage the tea ceremony performed on an auspicious date is an intimate ritual to honor family.

So, if you don’t practice a religion that provides these ‘anchors’ of timeless ritual, you can create your own! During the ceremony it’s a moment to do something together, to create together as a couple.

Questions to ask yourself when deciding what to include:

~What is important about including this?
~How can we make this ritual meaningful for our unique relationship?
~Is it timeless? Ten years from now will the meaning still hold true for us?

A few ideas:

Unity Ceremonies are designed for exactly that – uniting two together. Two individuals uniting into one couple. Two families joining as one extended family. One partner with children combining with another partner, to create their new family.

Jen and Jon loved sailing, so "tying the knot" as their unity ceremony made perfect sense. Photo by Philip DeFalco

Jen and Jon loved sailing, so “tying the knot” as their unity ceremony made perfect sense. Photo by Philip DeFalco

Anything that symbolizes this experience is a great ritual to include. Think of things that are important to you and your relationship, experiences you enjoy, and find a way to incorporate that as your unity ceremony.

Start Something New. Planting a tree is an elegant and organic ritual, and supports the environment as well! The roots can grow deep, symbolizing strength and stability. The branches will grow tall and wide, symbolizing your reach and growth. The leaves bud and blossom – potential for new beginnings within your relationship.

Just enough room for a bottle of wine, opener, two letters. And I love the well-used old hammer - what a great touch! Photo by Anika London.

A wedding time capsule can include whatever you want. This one has just enough room for a bottle of wine, opener, two love letters. And seal it up with a well-used old hammer – what a great touch! Photo by Anika London.

Design a Wedding Time Capsule. This can be a promise for the future, and an opportunity, when you open it, to look back on how far you’ve come. To bring that ceremony day along with you into the future. To let the ceremony itself be your anchor in your marriage.

Just as you might create new traditions in your new marriage and family, you can start with your wedding ceremony.

For couples planning their wedding in Southern California, you have so many options and choices available to you. And the number of wedding officiants, and officiating styles, is aplenty.

So how do you choose the best one for you?

Some things to Consider:
~What is the tone of your wedding?
~What is their style? Easygoing, serious, joyful?
~How important is the Spiritual or Religious aspect for you?
~Do you feel comfortable talking with them?

Are they flexible? Recently I met with a couple who said they had attended a friend’s wedding and the officiant was quite stern with the groom during the ceremony, when he slid the ring all the way onto her finger before completing the final declaration, “with this ring, I thee wed . . . ” So the officiant made the groom take the ring off and put it on again. REALLY?

Rules and procedures are there to HELP you, to ensure things go smoothly.

Photo by Anika London

Photo by Anika London

They should never take precedence over the joy and intention of the moment. If you don’t do it perfectly, it’s ok. As your wedding officiant I am there to guide you, and certainly would never chastise you about not doing it exactly right.

On the other hand, will your officiant keep you on track in the ceremony creation process or do they just do everything you say? This is most likely a new process for you, and sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know. Your officiant should have the experience and authority to make you aware of why something might not work the way you envision, and to find an alternative.

A few questions to ask a wedding officiant before you book:

– What exactly do your services include?
– How many weddings do you perform in one day? (is there a chance they will be late to yours, or have to leave early?)
– Do you have backup in case of emergency?
– What is your experience performing weddings and what is your training?
– Do you attend and/or conduct rehearsal?
– What do you wear?

And maybe the most important question of all:
What made you decide to become a wedding officiant? What is your passion and purpose? (Does it align with yours?)

 

Just Imagine Wedding Ceremony Officiating Services:

What Can You Expect? 

·      Creating Your Ceremony: After our initial meeting, you will receive a suggested outline for your ceremony, based on our discussions of your vision and intentions.
You will also receive suggestions for readings and poems, unity ceremonies, and other wedding rituals. You might love these, or they will simply help get you started in finding or creating your own.

·      Consultations: The ceremony creation process takes place via email and phone calls as needed to answer all of your questions; guide you in your selections of wording, poems and readings; and put the finishing touches on your ceremony vision.

·      Rehearsal:  A week prior to your wedding date, I will collect the names of everyone in your wedding party, and those walking down the aisle. With this information I will assist you in creating the processional order and use this final “Master” list to conduct rehearsal.
If you have engaged the services of a wedding planner, I will still attend the rehearsal, to review important aspects of the ceremony with you.

·      Officiating Your Wedding Ceremony: On your wedding day I arrive at the ceremony location at least 30 minutes prior to start time. This allows time for sound check, confirming last-minute items, etc.
If your ceremony requires it, I can provide a small table & linen.
Generally I wear a suit while officiating your ceremony. (I have been known to go barefoot in the sand if requested!)

·      Mailing Marriage License: After the ceremony is complete, I will sign the license, as will your two chosen witnesses. On the next business day, I will mail your marriage license in for you. It takes about two weeks for the county to process and make your marriage certificate available to you.

On Sunday I joined fellow Reiki Masters and practitioners on a group field trip to a very special property in Ramona, California. It is a land of labyrinths. The property owners have dedicated their lives to collecting rocks, gems, and crystals and created five unique labyrinths. Each one is designated and designed in such a way to enhance a particular experience.

One beauiful labyrinth is made completely of crystals, another labyrinth was created to focus on inner

The 'Peace' labyrinth, with an incredible grounding crystal at the entrance

The ‘Peace’ labyrinth, with an incredible grounding crystal at the entrance

Peace, one for the Heart, one for Prosperity, and the largest crafted after the famous Chartres labyrinth.

For so many people, and in particular many of my wedding clients who are trying to navigate what it means to be spiritual not religious,’ the labyrinth can be a lovely tool to assist you in experiencing that direct connection with the Divine.

A labyrinth can help solve problems when you enter with a particular question, invoke an experience of the sacred, or simply bring a sense of peace.

When people describe themselves as ‘spiritual not religious, I believe what they are trying to say is that the “reiigious” feels like a predetermined structure and set of rules to abide by; while the “spiritual” is the seeking of that specific set of tools that speaks uniquely to you, designed to transport you to your own direct connection with the Divine.

Happy meandering. . .

I’ve never been one for trends. But read wedding blogs, sites, and magazines and those – the leading industry trends – are the headlines on how to plan your wedding.

The message to create a wedding ceremony that is “unique” is rampant.

Following the trends is so intoxicating because they are driven by the insistence that you, the wedding couple, must be interesting, fabulous, entertaining, and surprising. That you avoid at any cost what might appear to be a cookie-cutter wedding or – God forbid – boring.

Within the world of weddings, “unique” is becoming ubiquitous.

In more than 12 years as a wedding professional and 7 years officiating wedding ceremonies, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed the Blending of the Sands unity ceremony. And guess what? I’ve never been bored by it.

Because I always see the couple – this beautiful couple in love who have created a relationship that brought them, against many odds, to this point of rare commitment. They are blending their sand in their own way, with their particular personalities and talents and intentions.

In 12 years I have never heard the same love story.

So, trust that you are inherently unique. That your story is special.

Trust that you are enough.

Give yourself a break and create the wedding ceremony that makes you happy, that tells your story. No matter how many times that unity ceremony has been performed or that poem read: for YOUR wedding, it’s happening for the very first time.

And if one of your guests – for whom you have taken such care in inviting and accommodating – is bored at your wedding: that’s their problem.

Your wedding ceremony is an opportunity to express your feelings and your commitment to your intended, as witnessed by your community of friends and family.

In addition to traditional vows, you might want to share your personal vows with each other.

What Should I Say? 

*It helps to think about your intention for your marriage. What are you actually ‘vowing’ to do? For example:

~Support each other

~Love each other unconditionally

~Do your best in your own growth and awareness

~Create a dream together

*You might also include what you love about this person. Why are they unique?

*What do you love that you have together? What is it that only you two share?

From this moment, I, Joe, take you Susan

as my best friend for life. 

I pledge to honor, encourage, and support you 

through our walk together. 

When our way becomes difficult, 

I promise to stand by you and uplift you, 

so that through our union

we can accomplish more than we could alone. 

When and How?

*Generally, your personal vows are expressed prior to the traditional vows, which are then followed by the ring exchange (the rings being a symbol of your expressed vows).

~You can write your vows on a card. Some people like the technology of their phone – personally I think the expression is more sacred with pen to paper.

~You can say them off the top of your head.

~You can write them two weeks in advance, or on the morning of the wedding.

The important thing here is to be yourself. If spontaneity is your thing, don’t try to force a prepared speech. And just smile at everyone who is pressuring you to write your vows – even your fiance.

Photo by Sara France

Photo by Sara France

*Alternatively you can write your shared vows together for your officiant to read, to which you simply respond, “I do” or “I will”:

Susan, will you take Joe to be your friend and your lifelong travel companion.  

Will you share your life with his, build your dreams together, support him in times of trouble and rejoice with him in times of happiness.

Ultimately, this is a beautiful expression of your unique love story. It can be whatever you want.