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I’m meeting with an engaged couple and they are telling me what is important to them about their wedding ceremony.

“We just want it to be short and simple.”

When you say “short and simple,” what do you really mean?

If you want to get it over with, you can easily pop down to the county clerk and make it happen today. Here’s all the info for a San Diego wedding: https://arcc.sdcounty.ca.gov/Pages/marriage-licenses.aspx

Short and simple.

Maybe what you really mean is that you don’t want to be bored, or to bore your guests. Maybe you don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable with flowery language or emotional vows. Or that the wedding ceremony seems like such a big unknown and it’s a little nerve-wracking to go exploring.

Or maybe what you really want is to be authentic. An opportunity to experience this momentous occasion in a way that feels natural and true to you.
I can help you with that.

An emphatic "I Do!". Photo by Cassidy Hall

An emphatic “I Do!”. Photo by Cassidy Hall

Because it’s not about how long the ceremony is. It’s about connecting to the experience. As a nondenominational minister and officiant of sacred ceremonies, I can help you find ways – through readings, rituals, and expressing your personal story – for your family and friends to connect, too.

When it’s authentic–truly you–every moment of your wedding ceremony will feel good and exciting and inspiring.

When it’s authentic, you will create a memory that is so vivid you will be able to describe it in detail for the rest of your lives: when your kids ask you about your wedding; when you celebrate your 50th anniversary.

Authentic is unforgettable. Photo by Cassidy Hall

Authentic is unforgettable. Photo by Cassidy Hall

 

 

Short and simple is ok. Authentic is unforgettable.

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Whatever your spiritual or religious background or current practices (or none at all), including the Spiritual in your wedding ceremony is a wonderful way to honor that this relationship, this marriage, is a part of something greater.

Including the ritual of Spirit invites that power into your wedding ceremony and your marriage: it invites the support, the resources, the teachings to move you forward as a couple.

How would you like to honor, represent, invoke, or hope for that?

If you follow a particular religion or faith, there are many established rituals you can include in the wedding ceremony to give reference to that faith.

If you do not belong to a church, temple or any other religious institution, you can still honor your own spiritual beliefs. As it takes a village to support a marriage – from family, friends, community, teachers, and mentors – you might imagine your marriage as being Divinely guided as well.

Are you combining your spiritual or religious practices? Will you be creating new ones together? Really be present to the experience of what you are creating.

You can even write your own thoughts on the matter, to be read by your officiant at the beginning or completion of the ceremony.
Or it might be a ritual that represents those feelings for you.

Some brides and grooms prescribe to the practice of Yoga as their spiritual yoga-picgrounding force. Not that you need to drop into downward dog after your vows, but perhaps you have a favorite yoga mantra you can include in your wedding ceremony.

Or perhaps the teachings of Rumi speak to you – he was a Sufi, quoted from the Qur’an, but his poetry and teachings were considered interdenominational:

(excerpt)
When the veils are burned away,


the heart will understand completely


Ancient Love will unfold ever-fresh forms


In the heart of the Spirit, in the core of the heart.

Buddha

 

Are you intrigued by Buddhism? What rituals can you weave into the ceremony to bless your union?

 

 

 

A Christian blessing might speak to you as well. Here are some lovely options to consider:

The Prayer of Saint Francis (excerpt)
O Divine, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned

 

Irish Blessing (excerpt)
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.
May the light of friendship guide your paths together.
May the laughter of children grace the halls of your home.
May the joy of living for one another trip a smile from your lips, a twinkle from your eye.

The point of these rituals or blessings is to create a meaningful and visceral experience to help you take note of this moment of your wedding ceremony, this relationship, your place in the world, this transition in your life.

Things to consider when including the Spiritual in your wedding ceremony:

It can be a feeling of nostalgia: honoring your past, childhood, family tradition

It can be a hope for the future, a symbol of the people and partners you want to become, the relationship you want to create.

It can be an anchor, from which to take your first steps in this new journey together.

Photo credit: Brant Bender Photography

Photo credit: Brant Bender Photography

There is no need to re-create the wheel. If a ritual or tradition speaks to you, then explore all the ways you might want to include it for all its traditional implications as well as your personal perspective of it.

As an Ordained Minister I believe in the Divine: the gel of Love and Synchronicity and Harmony that holds everything together and moves Life forward.

The “nondenominational” means I do not insist on prescribing to a specific religious tenet to express that belief. I am open to facilitating ceremonies for all faiths in whatever way helps you connect with the Divine as you experience it.

And that is what religious and spiritual rituals are all about: helping you connect with the Divine. Gaining a closer understanding of how the Divine acts and is expressed in your life, and every important transition in your life, including your wedding ceremony.

It doesn’t need to be elaborate, just meaningful. When it comes to the Spirit, keep it simple.
Read more about Navigating the G-word in your Wedding Ceremony.

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For couples planning their wedding in Southern California, you have so many options and choices available to you. And the number of wedding officiants, and officiating styles, is aplenty.

So how do you choose the best one for you?

Some things to Consider:
~What is the tone of your wedding?
~What is their style? Easygoing, serious, joyful?
~How important is the Spiritual or Religious aspect for you?
~Do you feel comfortable talking with them?

Are they flexible? Recently I met with a couple who said they had attended a friend’s wedding and the officiant was quite stern with the groom during the ceremony, when he slid the ring all the way onto her finger before completing the final declaration, “with this ring, I thee wed . . . ” So the officiant made the groom take the ring off and put it on again. REALLY?

Rules and procedures are there to HELP you, to ensure things go smoothly.

Photo by Anika London

Photo by Anika London

They should never take precedence over the joy and intention of the moment. If you don’t do it perfectly, it’s ok. As your wedding officiant I am there to guide you, and certainly would never chastise you about not doing it exactly right.

On the other hand, will your officiant keep you on track in the ceremony creation process or do they just do everything you say? This is most likely a new process for you, and sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know. Your officiant should have the experience and authority to make you aware of why something might not work the way you envision, and to find an alternative.

A few questions to ask a wedding officiant before you book:

– What exactly do your services include?
– How many weddings do you perform in one day? (is there a chance they will be late to yours, or have to leave early?)
– Do you have backup in case of emergency?
– What is your experience performing weddings and what is your training?
– Do you attend and/or conduct rehearsal?
– What do you wear?

And maybe the most important question of all:
What made you decide to become a wedding officiant? What is your passion and purpose? (Does it align with yours?)

 

Just Imagine Wedding Ceremony Officiating Services:

What Can You Expect? 

·      Creating Your Ceremony: After our initial meeting, you will receive a suggested outline for your ceremony, based on our discussions of your vision and intentions.
You will also receive suggestions for readings and poems, unity ceremonies, and other wedding rituals. You might love these, or they will simply help get you started in finding or creating your own.

·      Consultations: The ceremony creation process takes place via email and phone calls as needed to answer all of your questions; guide you in your selections of wording, poems and readings; and put the finishing touches on your ceremony vision.

·      Rehearsal:  A week prior to your wedding date, I will collect the names of everyone in your wedding party, and those walking down the aisle. With this information I will assist you in creating the processional order and use this final “Master” list to conduct rehearsal.
If you have engaged the services of a wedding planner, I will still attend the rehearsal, to review important aspects of the ceremony with you.

·      Officiating Your Wedding Ceremony: On your wedding day I arrive at the ceremony location at least 30 minutes prior to start time. This allows time for sound check, confirming last-minute items, etc.
If your ceremony requires it, I can provide a small table & linen.
Generally I wear a suit while officiating your ceremony. (I have been known to go barefoot in the sand if requested!)

·      Mailing Marriage License: After the ceremony is complete, I will sign the license, as will your two chosen witnesses. On the next business day, I will mail your marriage license in for you. It takes about two weeks for the county to process and make your marriage certificate available to you.

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I’ve never been one for trends. But read wedding blogs, sites, and magazines and those – the leading industry trends – are the headlines on how to plan your wedding.

The message to create a wedding ceremony that is “unique” is rampant.

Following the trends is so intoxicating because they are driven by the insistence that you, the wedding couple, must be interesting, fabulous, entertaining, and surprising. That you avoid at any cost what might appear to be a cookie-cutter wedding or – God forbid – boring.

Within the world of weddings, “unique” is becoming ubiquitous.

In more than 12 years as a wedding professional and 7 years officiating wedding ceremonies, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed the Blending of the Sands unity ceremony. And guess what? I’ve never been bored by it.

Because I always see the couple – this beautiful couple in love who have created a relationship that brought them, against many odds, to this point of rare commitment. They are blending their sand in their own way, with their particular personalities and talents and intentions.

In 12 years I have never heard the same love story.

So, trust that you are inherently unique. That your story is special.

Trust that you are enough.

Give yourself a break and create the wedding ceremony that makes you happy, that tells your story. No matter how many times that unity ceremony has been performed or that poem read: for YOUR wedding, it’s happening for the very first time.

And if one of your guests – for whom you have taken such care in inviting and accommodating – is bored at your wedding: that’s their problem.

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I’m so excited! I just bought a brandnew amp & mic for officiating wedding ceremonies!

ImageThe Alesis Transactive (as opposed to the Nimbus 2000 – yes, I can be a little dorky.)

It can even play music simultaneously with ipod or ipad with bluetooth. 

It’s always best when I can use a professional sound system provided by a DJ or venue. But sometimes that isn’t possible.

Never again will I have to make do with some low-end rented amp or, simply projecting as loud as possible (aka shouting). 

From now on, only quality sound to share my dulcet vocals for my amazing clients, even if it’s for only a small gathering of 10 people on the beach.

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