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Photo Credit: Patricia Lucia Photography

Photo Credit: Patricia Lucia Photography

Another beautiful wedding at Twin Oaks Golf Club! (and shoutout to Pamela Spence who makes everything run smoothly at TwinOaks!)

I loved creating this ceremony with Leesa and Gordy, for their June wedding.

They included so many personal touches:

~A Stone Blessing from their guests

~The Circle of Family ceremony to include the children

~Personal Vows and very personally selected readings

Photo Credit: Patricia Lucia Photography

Photo Credit: Patricia Lucia Photography

“Gayle you were exactly what we wanted for our wedding: calm, kind, sincere, helpful, authentic, spiritual! Thank you for helping us to write our vows and for helping us to stay calm and centered. . . . You are well-suited for what you do. God gave you a gift!”~ Leesa and Gordy, Twin Oaks Golf Course wedding

And thank you to Tricia Lucia for beautiful photos!

Just before their ceremony begin, two hawks flew directly over their arch. I took that as a great sign!

Hawks fly overhead at TwinOaks GolfClub

Hawks fly overhead at TwinOaks GolfClub

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Why You Want to Hold A Wedding Rehearsal

It seems like such a simple thing, the wedding ceremony.
Your wedding party lines up, you walk down the aisle, say your “I Dos” and then walk back up the aisle.

What’s to rehearse?

Amazingly – a lot. Even if your ceremony is quite simple, holding a rehearsal is actually a gift, to yourself and your wedding attendants.

It’s the gift called, “On wedding day, nobody has to think.”
All logistics and questions get sorted out, so when the big day arrives, the only order of business is to enjoy yourself.

And guess what!? It’s one more opportunity to hug your friends and family and celebrate at rehearsal dinner afterward.

Even if you have a small gathering and wedding party – for example only a Maid of Honor and Best Man – it’s a great idea to take a half-hour and walk through the order of things. Especially if your ceremony takes place at a unique setting or outdoors.

~Where will you start walking? Who stands where?
~Are the rings on a pillow? With the best man? One with Best Man and one with Maid of Honor?

It is important to practice the lineup so your attendants will feel comfortable with where and how they will stand. Photo by 8twenty8 Studios

It is important to practice the lineup so your attendants will feel comfortable with where and how they will stand. Photo by 8twenty8 Studios

~What about the timing of the music? If you can bring your ipod along or play the processional song on your phone, all the better to practice to make sure you are walking during your favorite part of the song.

~Where will you go once you walk back up the aisle?

You won’t believe how many questions start popping up once you are rehearsing.

Who Should Attend?
Anybody walking down the aisle.
~If some of your wedding party can’t attend due to travel plans, have someone else serve as their stand-in during rehearsal.

~If your grandparents will be included in the processional, it might be challenging for them to attend rehearsal, and that’s ok. It’s a simple thing to fill them in on wedding day of where to walk and sit, before the ceremony begins.

Conducting the Rehearsal
As the wedding officiant, I include conducting rehearsal in my services.
If you have hired a wedding planner (good choice!) they will conduct the rehearsal, and I still attend to review the flow of the ceremony itself.

Rehearsal is also a great time for me to reconnect with the couple in person, especially if I haven’t seen them in the many months or year since we first met.

Orchestrating the Processional
Wedding professionals like to start backward – to line the wedding party up where you will land after the processional. Then practice the recessional (after you have been pronounced married!) and then line up from the beginning to practice walking in.

There are so many fun and unique ways to craft the processional. Especially with more couples having co-ed attendants on each side, you can get really creative:
~Wedding attendants can walk down singly or in pairs or in specific groupings, and from different starting points.
~A groomsman might escort family members, then return to stand in processional line.
~You can create this any way you wish,

Reviewing the Ceremony
Again, how hard can it be? You just say “Yes” or “I Do” when asked a question, right?

Where will you stand during the Unity Ceremony? You can practice this too! Photo by Chelsea Anne Photography

Where will you stand during the Unity Ceremony? You can practice this too! Photo by Chelsea Anne Photography

 

 

If you are including a Unity Ceremony or other ritual, again, great idea to go through the motions.

~Where will the table be that holds the items?
~Will you have your backs to your guests, or facing them?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The "HandBinding" ritual includes six questions of vows and commitment. / Photo by Hung C. Tran Photography

The “HandBinding” ritual includes six questions of vows and commitment. / Photo by Hung C. Tran Photography

 

 

~If you are including a HandBinding ritual, is the ribbon you acquired long enough to wrap around your wrists 6 times without cutting off circulation?

 

 

 

 

Even practicing the simple act of the ring exchange is important. That way there is no bafflement or confusion during the actual ceremony:

With this ring . . . Photo by Katie Jackson

With this ring . . . Photo by Katie Jackson

~Which hand to I take?
~Which finger?
~Where does the engagement ring go?

Instead, you can slide that ring on their finger with grace, ease, and confidence.

 

 

 

Because, after all, this is a beautiful production. And, if on your wedding day, you can enter the sacred space of the ceremony with confidence that you and all your loved ones know their roles and tasks, you can focus all your attention and joy on that most important moment of “I DO.”

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There are essentially three aspects of a wedding ceremony:

Love & Commitment: in front of and supported by your community

Spiritual: invoking the Divine’s support and guidance in your marriage

Legal: the stepping stone to acquiring certain legal rights, depending on your state and country. This blog post navigates this paperwork and process for the Legal bit, essentially: obtaining a marriage license for your San Diego wedding.

All the information for acquiring and filing your marriage license can be found on the Web site for the San Diego County Clerk’s office.

I just wanted to break down some of the nuances for you, since it can be confusing and brand-new territory:

WHERE: County Clerk’s Office – there are 4 locations throughout San Diego County. Phone numbers & addresses on the site:
https://arcc.sdcounty.ca.gov/Pages/marriage-licenses.aspx

HOW: You must call to make an appointment to apply for your license. (Except during the summer when they hold “walk-in Wednesdays.”)

TIMING: Once you acquire the license at your appointment, it is valid for 90 days. So count backward 90 days from your wedding and that is the first date you can obtain the license.

You can get your license the day before your wedding, but I don’t recommend it.
Leave plenty of time, just in case there is an issue of any kind. And also, because the week before your wedding you want to have everything completed so you can play host to your friends and family!

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE APPOINTMENT:
~you must both be present at the appointment with valid ID (driver license, passport, etc.)
~cost is $70 (if you file for a ‘confidential’* license it is $89)
~take your checkbook because they charge a fee for debit/credit card
~if you have been married before, you will need to bring proof that you are divorced

HERE IS WHAT YOU GET:
You will walk away from that appointment with a big packet of information.
Your officiant needs the following items (it is great to bring this to rehearsal to give to your officiant so it is not forgotten on the wedding day):
~the actual license (which you already signed at the County Clerk’s Office)
~the giant yellow return envelope
~in the packet will also be a handy form called “Wedding Officiant Instructions”. Thank you for that, but if your officiant has performed enough weddings, we won’t need it.

THE WEDDING CEREMONY:
After the wedding ceremony, your officiant will sign the license, verifying that the ceremony has been performed. Your witnesses will also sign right after the ceremony. You need at least one witness, but there are spaces for two (eg. your Best Man and Maid of Honor).

WITNESS:
You must have at least one witness for your ceremony. Elopement couples want it to be “just us two” but unless you have acquired a ‘confidential’* license, you still need a witness (your officiant doesn’t count). If you are having a photographer for the ceremony, you can ask them if they will serve as witness.

WHEN WILL WE GET OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE?:
The signed license must be returned to the County Clerk’s office within 10 days of your wedding date. It’s a nice service if your wedding officiant mails it in for you (I do that the first business day after your ceremony) so you don’t have to worry about it when getting ready for your honeymoon.

~Once the County Clerk receives your license signed by the officiant and witnesses, it takes about 2 weeks to process.
~If your are local, you simply go back in to pick it up
~If you are not local, there is a form in the big packet they give you that you can mail in, requesting that the CC mails your marriage certificate to you. That request form MUST be notarized. The CC can provide a list of notaries.
~A great resource for changing your name: http://www.missnowmrs.com/


*What is a Confidential License?: This simply means that nobody but you two can have access to the license and certificate information (eg. it’s probably a good idea if you’re a tv personality or rockstar)

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Congratulations Laura & Laura! What a beautiful wedding celebration today at Rancho Buena Vista Adobe in Vista.

These two amazing women were such a treat, it was an honor to officiate their wedding ceremony.

They created a very unique Unity Ceremony, inspired by their love of chocolate. And during the ceremony, shared with their guests!

A delicious ceremony treat for wedding guests

A delicious ceremony treat for wedding guests

 

There will be times that are sweet,
filled with cream and honey,
and times that are dark and bittersweet.
And probably some times that are really nutty!
But every experience will nourish your body,
heart and soul.

 

It is a great reminder to get creative with your wedding ceremony! Think about what you love (like chocolate!) and incorporate that into your ceremony.

 

PS. Wedding planner extraordinaire Julie Scrivner pulled everything together with ease!

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In addition to favorite readings and poems, what else can you include in your wedding ceremony to give it substance and personality?

Wedding ceremonies based in traditional religions have rituals that weave the ceremony together and help the couple feel anchored in the message.

For example the smashing of the glass in the Jewish faith suggests, as a modern interpretation, the fragility of the relationship and importance of tending to it daily.
The Unity Candle in the Catholic faith represents two families and two individuals uniting as one.
In the Chinese heritage the tea ceremony performed on an auspicious date is an intimate ritual to honor family.

So, if you don’t practice a religion that provides these ‘anchors’ of timeless ritual, you can create your own! During the ceremony it’s a moment to do something together, to create together as a couple.

Questions to ask yourself when deciding what to include:

~What is important about including this?
~How can we make this ritual meaningful for our unique relationship?
~Is it timeless? Ten years from now will the meaning still hold true for us?

A few ideas:

Unity Ceremonies are designed for exactly that – uniting two together. Two individuals uniting into one couple. Two families joining as one extended family. One partner with children combining with another partner, to create their new family.

Jen and Jon loved sailing, so "tying the knot" as their unity ceremony made perfect sense. Photo by Philip DeFalco

Jen and Jon loved sailing, so “tying the knot” as their unity ceremony made perfect sense. Photo by Philip DeFalco

Anything that symbolizes this experience is a great ritual to include. Think of things that are important to you and your relationship, experiences you enjoy, and find a way to incorporate that as your unity ceremony.

Start Something New. Planting a tree is an elegant and organic ritual, and supports the environment as well! The roots can grow deep, symbolizing strength and stability. The branches will grow tall and wide, symbolizing your reach and growth. The leaves bud and blossom – potential for new beginnings within your relationship.

Just enough room for a bottle of wine, opener, two letters. And I love the well-used old hammer - what a great touch! Photo by Anika London.

A wedding time capsule can include whatever you want. This one has just enough room for a bottle of wine, opener, two love letters. And seal it up with a well-used old hammer – what a great touch! Photo by Anika London.

Design a Wedding Time Capsule. This can be a promise for the future, and an opportunity, when you open it, to look back on how far you’ve come. To bring that ceremony day along with you into the future. To let the ceremony itself be your anchor in your marriage.

Just as you might create new traditions in your new marriage and family, you can start with your wedding ceremony.

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