Gay Marriage White House Lit

It’s 5 years ago today¬† – June 26 – that the Supreme Court upheld Marriage Equality.

Prior to that, when same-sex marriage finally became legal in California in 2013, my event colleagues and I experienced same-sex couples coming in droves from across the nation, so they could be legally married.

I was thrilled to live and work in a state that recognized these couples, and happy to welcome them and help them live their dreams.

One couple in particular has stayed with me always: two Black women from Texas, with their young daughter.

Of course I suggested a ‘toes-in-the-sand’ beach wedding – an iconic San Diego experience.

They declined and instead requested the ceremony be in a small park near the hotel where they were staying.

I kept pressing them that you couldn’t beat the gorgeous San Diego beaches.
Finally they had to say to me, that they so often have insulting slurs hurled at them as a same-sex couple, that they didn’t want to risk a wedding on the beach – so very public – and the possibility that some passerby could shout a horrid remark, not only on their very special day, but in front of their young daughter.
I felt so naive and heartbroken upon hearing that.

So, when the day came we gathered at the park. Just the two of them with their daughter as flower girl, and found a lovely stranger in the park who agreed to serve as witness.
Their love and caring toward each other made it quite apparent that the surroundings were the least important thing that day. They declared their “I Dos” and could legally call each other “wife” from that day forward.

Oddly, I’m happy that I no longer have an onslaught of same-sex couples from across the nation requesting officiating, because that means they are now able to get legally married in their own home town, surrounded by friends and family.

I am a person in Service, and it is my joy to officiate ceremonies of life’s important moments. Baby blessings, weddings, and memorial services are sacred experiences. Deeply personal and sacred.

It is important that EVERYONE – regardless of race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, or faith – has the opportunity to experience ceremony and celebration without fear or reprisal.

Officiating is meant to create a safe space for you, so that you and your family and friends can be fully present and open to the Love that is ceremony.

My role is to guide and support you in creating your ceremony, and this often requires I learn more.
For example, my nondenominational wedding ceremonies have included beautiful and powerful symbols of the Jewish faith (Chuppah, Breaking the Glass); Black heritage (Jumping the Broom); Persian culture (the Sofreh Aghd); and support of Chinese tradition (offering the ‘Western’ ceremony after the morning Chinese Tea Ceremony), to name a few; or crafting language appropriately to honor same-sex couples.

I have been an activist since I was a teenager, canvassing for presidential campaigns even before I could vote. My activism has been more focused in some years than others.

As a white, hetero, cisgender woman, I recognize my responsibility to do the challenging inner work of rejecting the story I was given – the story of white supremacy and privilege. I reject that story and look to working with social justice leaders and community in crafting a beautiful society where all are truly equal, all feel heard and seen, all feel like their country is indeed a place to call home.

My commitment is to continue to actively do the inner work so that I can truly stand as an ally deeply committed to activism promoting equality for all.
I continue to learn, and I will always listen.

These are just a few of the organizations I support, either through donations, volunteer work, reading, or simply spreading the word:

Black Lives Matter blacklivesmatter.com
Movement for Black Lives m4bl.org
Life After Hate lifeafterhate.org
The Equality Institute theequalityinstitute.com
SURJ showingupforracialjustice.org
ACLU aclu.org

Gov. Newsom signed Executive Order as of April 30, 2020 to allow for legal wedding ceremony via videoconferencing.

Visit the San Diego County Clerk’s site for more information. Be sure to check it frequently as it changes:


I will be happy to discuss options for officiating your wedding ceremony in this manner. Even virtually, sharing your vows can still be special and sacred.

Gayle Feallock
Nondenominational Officiant


The San Diego County Clerks office is offering new options to obtain your marriage license.

Visit the site for more information: Marriage License

license info




Thinking of all the couples who are cancelling or rescheduling their big day. Here is some additional information – a recent email response from the county clerk:

county recorder_marriage-license


If you are able to reschedule, please know that most everyone in the wedding industry is rooting for you and will do their utmost to assist you in making sure you have the magical celebration you’ve been imagining.